sitting in my room, thought that i haven’t written to you all in a while and thought I should. Well back to where i felt as summer ended. Four months ago I wrote about an ass hole and how he left me hanging for no reason.. well guess what he came back into my life. Said he wanted another chance, wanted it to be like last time blah blah…and me;the fucking idiot gave him another chance. Soon enough he was talking to my best friend asking her to go to hockey games with him. Once again, left me hanging but told me its cause I didn’t talk to him, I didn’t say hi to him. For the most part I can admit it was my fault… I was shy, but isn’t that how your suppose to be when you first like someone. It sucks„ I’m so mad at him. I want to move on but no one wants me, because of my fucking gap or just maybe my ugliness. If i get my teeth fixed, I want to be able to look at the ass hole and just finally be relieved and know I am so much better. Its so hard to do this, especially cause I cant stop thinking about how I can change, and what I should of done..to keep him.On top of that I’m surrounded my girls fighting, being jealous of each other, taking their boyfriends and lives for granted. I am constantly helping people with relationships, hanging with my friends and their boyfriends…not gunna lie im fed up with it, but i do it cause i love them. They are all so beautiful, have their own talents, have great guys, they’re perfect. But Im nothing. no where near perfect, nor have anything for anyone to be jealous of. I cant decide if i wanna move next year or not…will it change, will life be better, I dont know, I guess its a mystery. Well thats where im at. thanks for listening.. I got it out, and now its up to me to make my life better.
Im sitting by the computer, on a Saturday night, alone. Every possible thing that reminds a person about love has appeared everywhere I go. It started out with me having a small crush and ended with what might be my first solid relationship. You made me feel confident for once. You promised you wouldn’t be the first to go. You made sure You were the only guy I set my eyes on and my honest mouth told you multiple times you were the only one. I told you about how many times I’ve been fucked over. You have gone through it to. So why are we doing this. How could you not wait to see me, but when Im right in front of you. .I am nothing. Still after I should of know not to put my guard down, I still fell. I still get butterflies when I think of you. What did I do. We sealed our farewell with a kiss and after that no more reply. No more calls of the concern on how I am doing. No more texts with the word babe. I didn’t get any time alone with you. Here I am sitting on the computer, thinking of you, and waiting by the phone. Hoping its just a misunderstanding, but knowing it probably isn’t.